Sunday, November 26, 2006

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James Barr at 12:00 AM

Friday, November 24, 2006

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i have to let the world know the funniest fitness machine next to the igallop. i mean the igallop was bad enough, but this is almost just as funny. plus they front it with a hot girl, so its a disgrace.


yeah shake shake shake the flab off. look at all those cool things you can do with it. its so flabelous. and thats flabelous with a è !! first of all when you make a fitness machine you dont use the word flab at all because its just going to make the customer depressed as it reminds them of the fact that they have flab and therefore since their buying the machine, their flabby. secondly you dont call the machine flabelous and make a hot girl your front woman as she isnt flabby. if you going to call it that put lydia sum on the machine or maybe moses lim. now they have plenty of flab. but then again youd have to waste money on bigger advertisements. also the machine is so freaking small, how do they expect flabby people to get on it.

sigh the world.

guess what happpened on my favourite form of transport (yeah right), the MRT. picture this,the train doors are closing, the alarm is beeping. and this lady is running full speed towards the doors. her friend trailing behind her. as the doors inch closer together she starts screaming and as they are jus inches away from crushing anything in their path, she squeezes in, still screaming and shouting. she makes in just and starts laughing histerically at her friend who couldnt make it. the doors are now closed, and the mrt is full. this lady starts laughing at her friend on the other side of the doors and shouts, "NEXT STOP, NEXT STOP". and everyones eyes turn to look at her. shes still laughing, but suddenly realised what she has done, and suddenly pulls her face into embarrassment.

and i am laughing my freaking ass off in the corner there. AHAHahhahaHAH....

okay im off. need to get back to my plans to make my first million by 20. so far it involves late nights, my ass and hillary duff cds.

James Barr at 7:20 AM

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

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came back from malaysia this week. its amazing how during ns you can actually go on a holiday. its better than even being in school. i can actually take a day off, for free! no mc, no parents letter. its called leave and i like it! i like it alot. its funny though being in a different country, not knowing how to speak malay, only phrases like saya boleh makan, or mak kau or jalan kampong. however in malaysia sometimes its easy to understand things, because sometimes its so similar to english. now as i sit and think about it the guy who invented malay must have been pretty lazy. "aiyah, just take english words and change some of the letters lah! nobody will know". therefore you can (as i did) walk through a shopping district and stumble across

"Kafe, Bakeri & Kek"

now i'd say thats a pretty easy one to decipher. if you cant, well then you must not speak english (or malay) or you might just have a brick as a head. or you might be blind, but then you wouldnt know what i'd have been talking about unless someones reading it to you. and then if you still dont know then you must have a brick as a head, be blind and have someone who has a brick for a head reading it out to you.

another exciting thing about malaysia is the amount of porn they have. jesus christ. they have more porn in the streets than cars. i bet if you put all the porn together, it'll peak the petronas towers. but the best part of malaysia shopping is the bargaining. its so fun seeing how low their price will go.

the guy says 45RM.
"nah so expensive"
okok, 35RM good price!
"the other guy can give cheaper"
okok 30RM last price.
"25RM i buy from you, confirm"
hmmm, (30 second pause) ok 25RM.
"20RM can?"
Cannot lah!
"okay nevermind then"
OKOKOK.. 20RM final price.

ahh beautiful.

on the topic of beautiful. my beautiful skin and i took a trip to the skin centre yesterday. yes the place where i feel most at home in amongst the fucked up looking people (yes thats us apparently). but it kinda weird sometimes because going into a skin clinic you kinda expect to see people like you, with hands that look like the creature from the black lagoon. but no your wrong. they all seem perfectly fine, in fact some have almost perfect skin texture and tone. and you sit there and wonder... i wonder what rash they have. where is it? oh my god its so fascinating. you try and diagnose each person just by looking at them. what kind of fungal infection do they really have under that perfect outer shell.

anyway apparently, according to the doctor my skin is fucking jialat* (*doomed). not that i havent noticed as its affecting my sleep, my social life and everything in between which includes food somehow. so she loaded me up with plenty of ammunication, also knows to normal humans as cream. ( generously paid for by the singapore goverment aka: taxpayers, aka: you : thanks) and now im sitting here covered in creams of all sorts. oiled up, shining, glossy and ready to take on the world.

if you are curious about skin problems, go to this link http://tray.dermatology.uiowa.edu/DermImag.htm
its a image base for skin problems. its kinda sick so dont eat before or after looking at them. okay dont eat at all. or dont look. dont do either, go and kiss your mum on her forehead and tell her you love her.

James Barr at 9:49 PM

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

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so my friendster has been "hacked"by a smart little ah beng. so if i have delivered any unsavoury testimonials, i am le sorry.

James Barr at 1:08 AM

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