Friday, June 23, 2006

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"heavens not a place that you go when you die, its that moment in life, when you actually feel alive"

James Barr at 9:28 AM

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

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let me tell you the definition of embarrassing. its taking the train after you book out from camp and your in your army uniform. and theres a kid in the train car. and he is shouting to his mummy. "mummy ITS a SOLDIER!! mUMMY!? its A SOLDIEr!! sooOOooLDIER!!!!! BAnG BANG!" and behind my wish for him to maybe swallow a knife, i pull a smile, slowly and ever so sincere.

why do i always get this kinda fukin unlucky shit..... ( a continuition on my journey through life from previous posts if you have noticed)

James Barr at 4:36 AM

Sunday, June 18, 2006

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and once again i sit at home feeling the upper limit of boredom. and then i think what would happen if a sexy nurse appeared in my bedroom suddenly. but i slap myself (not literally) and think back to what the chinese wiseman once said to me, in the garden. he said to me, "young son, if you want pretty nurse, be patient!". im not going to hurt myself so i guess ill just wait then. but then i get so hungry you know, like theres some kind of beast pounding the floor of my stomach. i wish i knew how to cook, then i could make something tasty to eat instead of instant noodles or nutella or biscuits or cheese triangles. but anyway its kinda like the famous saying, "give a man a fish and he will eat for one day. teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer." or somethig like that. wow my first paragraph has two quotations, this could become a theme.

ah yes 18th june 2006. 191 years ago on this same day, did you know? heres an interesting day in history for you. exactly 191 years ago was the battle of waterloo where napolean (yeah the short dude) was defeated by wellington and blucher. so yes, theres something you can tell your friends. and they will go "wow! are you serious? woaah..!!". or maybe not. and tomorrow, it will be 14 years since the movie "batman returns" came out, which honestly isnt very interesting so you might not wanna tell your friends that.

so its back to army life tomorrow. why does time seem to pass so quickly when your out, its amazing. time flies man. and it flies like how superman flies, and that aint slowly. so anyway i've been posted to the navy! - cue song - "in the navy..nanananana". wait i already talked about this. jesus whats wrong with me. who am i talking to anyways? i have no clue.

someone tell me gemma ward is not a goddess.

James Barr at 3:09 AM

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

This is a major breakthrough, women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

and I LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AHAHAHHA..............

James Barr at 3:02 AM

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

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the world is going crazy. no seriously it is. just reading some online news and i found these interesting articles which i shall show you. firstly we have, "SYRACUSE, N.Y. (AP) — A burglary suspect was charged with a string of crimes after bolting from a hospital, naked, handcuffed and with blood spurting from a stab wound in his chest. A deputy had removed Rashon Delee’s leg shackles so he could use the toilet at Crouse Hospital when he decided to make his run Sunday afternoon, said Onondaga County Sheriff Kevin Walsh. " funny part is he eluded police for 2 hours after escaping. how hard is it to find a naked man in handcuffs? i suppose it is, if he hides in a garbage can. ah...

next up we have, "The Orange County Register COSTA MESA – A man trying to hang himself from the Adams Avenue Bridge fell and died early today, and a bicyclist who later hit the body was injured, police reported." chaos, ah the chaos.

last but not least, "ROCHESTER, N.Y. (AP) -- A man is suing an auto-parts store for assault and battery after he attempted to hold up the business and employees responded by beating him with a metal pipe. Dana Buckman, 46, walked into an auto shop brandishing a semiautomatic pistol last summer, only to have it turned on him by two AutoZone employees, police said. The men beat Buckman with a metal pipe and held him with his own gun." who the hell holds up a auto parts store? firstly they dont have money in there and secondly its filled with people who hold up other places, their big tough and covered in grease and sweat. its the last place you should hold up. especially if your a pussy boy. oh well...

all this happened some time ago in the last month or so. but still the world is not what it used to be like. people dont watch television anymore, they build their lives around it and what time the OC is on. food isnt as tasty as it used to be because it usually comes in packets and styrofoam boxes. the weather is going all nuts raining and shining ever so bright in a matter of minutes. music is becoming like clothing. clothing is becoming like music. everybody wants someone else. someonelse wants you! and you want nobody. and me, well i want a two piece chicken meal, with cheese fries instead of whipped potato. that'll be $8. wtf!!! how come? its just a chicken and some potatoes? its not even a proper chicken, its one of those mutated insanely large chickens. which if you didnt know, at night when your sleeping. they have body building contests in the shed. bloody hell. and hey whats so special about celebrity boobs? they're boobs man come on dont get so excited.

i wish i had cable television, then i could watch the world cup at home. and thus not miss moments like when australlia beat japan 3-1. i still cant beleive i didnt stay for the 10 minutes. god why are you punishing me like this? after shoes i think im on a roll, i wanna draw all over my walls, then ill go downstairs and draw all over the lift, then the HDB, then all over hougang. and then.... then ill come for you!

anyway i got my posting today already. i am going to be on a big boat and press little buttons and watch flashing pretty lights and maybe fire a torpedo or two and wear headphones and go "yes commander! i've spotted it on my radar. permission to fire sir?". in the NAVY, y'know how the song goes. anyway im starting to get the feeling the army is biased. all the melayu in my platoon all went to SCDF. like what the hell man. but anyway as one of them once told me, "when the munjens defending the country during war... we minorities wreck havoc in the country". and thats how the cookie crumbles.

goodluck my brothers to whatever posting you get. especially all those going sispec. you all die ready! hahah but when you get out you can come knock me down. ciao!

James Barr at 5:10 AM

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

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what happens when you buy cheap shoes, happen to have a marker at home, have a lot of free time, some patience and a group of hot models? well except the last one, you'd draw on your shoes, thats what! jesus, i need a job, or a girlfriend or something to prevent myself from destroying shoes.

James Barr at 8:48 AM

Monday, June 12, 2006

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was walking around pointlessly in town, when i found this pub with large screen outside showing the japan australlia game. so i thought, hey why not just sit here and watch for free ( sit on the pavement that is). so i caught half the first hald and stayed till late game. and so japan leading 1-0 at the 80th minute, so im like yeah asian pride japan is gonna win, so i get up and go home.

upon reaching home, i check yahoo for some scores and guess what.

Australia stormed to a dramatic late World Cup win over Japan on Monday, scoring their first ever goals in the tournament to triumph 3-1.

why do i always get this kinda fukin unlucky shit....

James Barr at 10:29 AM

Saturday, June 10, 2006

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watch your step,
but dont be on guard.
you'l be holding the daisy.
she'l be smiling hard.

James Barr at 11:19 PM

Friday, June 09, 2006

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it was just one of those days y'know. one of those days you just feel like screaming and tearing out your own eyeballs. let me retell this little tale in a short but heartfelt manner. it all started after our 24km march in tekong. but before i go on i must tell you that we have spent the entire day walknig in rain, soaking through our skin and bucketing down to create a lovely grey and miserable atmosphere which we love so much.so anyway back to the after portion. muscles aching skin rubbed off and feet as sore as the muscles. when we we're given 10 minutes to shower up and pack all our shit ( which is quite a lot). so we come down expecting to take a 6 o clock ferry! but nope, a sergeant goes up to inspect the area and seconds later we find ourselves in the push up position screwing the floor repeatedly. ah yes "maggots, you live in such dirty places". yes the shouting doesnt stop. but yes it does for us to run to the ferry terminal dragging along with us a bag the size of the atlantic ocean. so yeah we reach the terminal lets say around 7 o clock.

so yeah the second part begins. we park ourselves nicely at the front of the ferry terminal being one of the first few to get the 7.30 ferry. so we sit down planning what to eat once we get to pasir ris after catching the chartered bus from changi ferry terminal. yes "i cant wait to get back and eat" we all said to each other, because we hadn't eaten anything since lunch. and then the ferry arrives. joy fills our hearts, but wait something happens which makes us turn to rage. some other company decides to chiong right in front of some of us and we are left with an extra 70 people in front of us. we shout at them and say things which their mother would not be very happy about if she heard them. and so we queue up and low and behold there is not enough space on the ferry. so we are shut out and told the next ferry is at 9 o clock. holy shit this cannot be. we we're right in front. doesnt the saf teach these dudes any integrity. hooligans i tell ya hooligans.

ah but 9pm arrives in a jiffy and we're back in the queue right at the front this time. we're sure to get the ferry. then i go to scan my card on the thingymagig and OMG! guess what it cant scan. my barcode has migically been rubbed off slightly and the machine cannot detect it. so i go to the back of the terminal to get a visitors pass. and woo! shouts for joy im right at the bakck of the queue now. with no friends, no happyness left in my body and running out of sanity. but its okay because this time i get the ferry and then the next punch arrives. im sorry guys there are no more chartered buses at the terminal you gotta go home from there. and so we look at each other in horror/shock/despair. can you imagine 100 people trying to get taxis in changi terminal which is not a very popular place for taxis to venture to.

so after battling with life and waiting for the one taxi to land in front of us, we get it! we stuff ourselves inside and as i should have predicted things wouldnt be getting better. suddenly my ears are the next victim for the day. the uncle has a chinese radio station on, and as if thats not bad enough it keeps breaking up and you cant hear 2 seconds of the song without it goes "kkssshhksshshh". and it goes on and on and on to hougang. just about now im getting slight camps in my legs. worrying for my legs comes as nothing compared to whats comes next. the uncle starts counting his notes on the highway. going at almost 80km/h, he startings flicking notes between his fingers. i mean dam i just did my route march i dont want to die in a car accident, because some dude is counting how much he earned today. jesus christ im sure he went a long way as well because it seemed really long.

i didnt die however, which you would have gathered by now,(unless im a very powerful poltergeist) and if you havent then you should seek some form of schooling or counseling perhaps. but anyway i got home a happy man. i had food drink and the sports illustrated swimsuit model show was on television. so daaym thats all you need to make you feel better... theres always a calm after the storm. woo!

James Barr at 11:42 PM

"and then you start thinking, when theres nothing else to do. dammit you say, you've realised what millions of other people realise at the very same moment. we're alone."

James Barr at 11:40 PM

Thursday, June 01, 2006

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"hopped up on the Q"

"silly bitch!"

James Barr at 5:21 AM

"peanuts caramel, put that in your mouth, enjoy that"

"i grabbed it by the big throat and said, fuck you shark!"

James Barr at 5:07 AM

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