Sunday, February 26, 2006

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im seriously getting pissed off with things around here. i cant get a decent sleep i tell ya. i lie down in my bed and the wind outside is jjust howling like a fuckin wolf. and when that happened it creeps in the little gaps in the house and makes awfully irritating sounding sounds. then the letter shaft thing is facing east where the wind blows from. and so it goes ping pang ping pang in the middle of the night. then the heater goes *CLICK* every freaking 5 seconds because its starting its warming cycle. warming if i really need it because i have a blanket the size of china which is warmer than africa and i sweat like a madman underneath. then when i remove i freeze my bollocks to death. so i have to put it back on. and everything is dark. i keep imagining things in my room. then my exzema is itchy and i gotta control myself. then when i do get to sleep my dad comes in at about 10am waking me up. goddamm it what does one have to do to get a good nights rest!?!?

today was an interesting day actually. bets were put on some football matches. namely those in the freaking third division. so money was laying on cowdenbeath to beat east stirling by 2 goals at least. so to make it interesting we actually decided to head down and catch the match first hand for some exellent excitement. sitting in the cold at 7pm with frost biting winds and a bunch of old timers hoofing a football around the pitch. unfortunately the pitch had frozen and the match was cancelled. so doing what any decent and normal minded person would have done instead, we headed to the pub.

apart from that things have been really dull. oh yeah and i climbed a 3000 foot mountain. yeah thats about it. thats all. yup...

i actually had a nice warm hat on, but it looked stupid.

and thats how high it was. if there was an adjective it would be freaking high.

James Barr at 4:38 PM

Saturday, February 25, 2006

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dell, ive got some good and bad news. but both rolled into the same package of news. voila!

Scotland 18-12 England
Scotland ended England's hopes of a Grand Slam with a gutsy display at a wet and windy Murrayfield on Saturday.



and jeremy, for you.

Murray marvels at 'dream' victory
Britain's Andy Murray hailed a "dream come true" after winning his first ATP Tour title with a thrilling victory over Lleyton Hewitt in San Jose.

so scotland really isnt that useless after all eh.

James Barr at 2:40 PM

Thursday, February 23, 2006

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my days are as exiting as steven hawkings trying to do a 360 spin. wait a minute that could be exiting. thats not the point though. apart from futurama, the simpsons and south park and other activities involving television and sofas, i am eating. yes my life consists of afternoon cartoons and evening sloth. after breakfast ( which included waking up which my god is not easy), i wait for lunch and after lunch i look forward to dinner. food gives excitement. the thrill of making a sandwich and then eating it. the sheer sense of achivement of tasting your own masterpice, even if it might just be a cheese one. but still you feel it you feel the power. the only downside to cooking is cleaning up. thats why then invented hands. you hold your lunch in your hands and then you dont need a plate. well thats if its a sandwich. you cant hold pasta in your hands unless you had really big hands and really thick pasta.

football fans should all die. why? because they are nasty arseholes. there was this recent incident of the liverpool and manure (man u) fans which could be classified under the section where evil bastards go. the liverpool fans were taunting the manu ones with the incident of munich where almost the entire man u team perished in a plane crash ( except bobby charlton). adn if thats not bad enough, the man u fans were taunting back of hillsborough where liverpool fans were crushed to death by the thousands at a nottingham forest game. well what the fuck is this all about then. football taunting each other on deaths?? animalistic bastards. drunk swines who try to provoke each other based on the deaths of thousands of people. what are they thinking. its all so crazy. modern day warfare if you ask me. getting out violent and dark behaviour in a civilised way. how civilised i dont know. anyhow they should all be gas'd to death. wait a minute im being just as violent. thats a different matter. kill the people that wanna kill!!

intermission : let me quote joel from "enternal sunshine.." forget the title but a brilliant movie ( controversial):::: " why do i fall in love with every girl that pays me the slightest bit of attention". and yes thats very true. for us people that dont have anything. and that movie for me was very beautiful ( even though it had jim carrey in it). just ignore the acting and think about the story. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. thats it, yeah. the scene where the house is melting away. that did it for me. for anyone thats watched it.

okay intermission over. you know who else should die? cryptics. those that always say you on their blog. my god it irritates the shit outta me. thank you, i love you or, you should die in a tragic train accident. just come out and say it will you. stop making us guess who it is. if you dont want us to know who it is then dont fucking mention it in the first place. its like telling a mouse, hey ive got a load of cheese tonight, but im not telling you where it is. and the mouse is like "fuck you asswipe!". the mouse would rather dwell in his daily doings instead of thinking about a cheese that could have been. fuck you cryptics because now we look for cheese.

by the way thats directed to nobody particular. its just a general observation so dont take any offence. or maybe, its just directed to you. haha. suckers!! right anyway im tired. goodnight one and all!

James Barr at 1:30 PM

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

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gigantic grunting noises, steam emitting and it darting off into the country side. no it isnt an angry fat superman, it was the train taking me top visit my grandparents. oh the joy of the occasion. the journey there wasnt much fun either because we stopped off in middlesborough. a place that is filled with the most angry looking depressed and bald men possible to populate the planet. and young kiddling shouting the likely words "fuck" and "wank" in the same sentence. well apart from that we arrived in the place called saltburn safely. granny still thinks of me as a detrukto machino. she would think everything that is touched turns instantly to dust and is pulvurised. however you spell that. grandpa is alright, i bought him whisky to keep him happy. just got back now. and i have to say the rail stations in england could just be the worst in the entire world. the amount of dirt and filth cannot be recreated using words so ill let the pictures do the talking.

notice the nice muck mark which vaguely resembles an open mouth spewing out vile liquid and drooling it halfway down its chin. yes lovely. there were other marks where people burn the plasitc casing, well for fun i guess. guess they dont have much else to do around there except vandalise and curse each other.

the entrance to doom lies here. once your inside its like a hell passage of depression death sex drugs and disgusting old men who might rape you. no im just kidding its just a tunnel.

anyway im back now. havent been on the computer for a long time. dont get much of a chance anyhow. nice to return to all the love on the tagboard and an e mail filled with junk mail asking me if i would like to bank or do insurance with them. yes very cheering up. weathers not been very nice as well. we were caught in the rain the other day and being caught in the rain at 2 degrees isnt a truckload of fun if you ask me.

bye then! hope you are all doing fine, because i have not much ability to contact anybody because dad thinks msn is evil and will fill his computer with viruses and infected things... so.. goodnight

James Barr at 10:22 AM

Friday, February 17, 2006

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well i guess ive arrived safely in scotland. apart from obtaining severely dry skin and a hefty amount of alcohol in my system on the second night of stay, i am perectly okay. in fact im pretty much under the influence now and ill make this short because im spending an awful amount of time pressing the backspace button to erase embarrassing errors. which is quite hard.

smoking is going to be totally banned over here come 26th march. nobody is allowed to smoke at alll in any public place. so scotland is going to be smoke free! worse than singapore if you ask me. i can imagine loads of people smoking in back alleys and in little corners trying to escape the eyes of the smoke police! i mean to suddenly have a law like that is pretty much like telling people they cant wear clothes anymore. not that i would mind. but still! its these people that work behind the bars that dont smoke, who inhale so much smoke that they smoke more than a smoker does a day. a few of them have died i think. what a shame. another way could just be to circulate little gas masks when you enter a pub. that would be cool. but they prolly couldnt hear your order. so nevermind...

managed to miss my first flight in paris because there wasnt enough time to get from one terminal to another. 45 minutes, the bastards. and you gotta take buses and shit. so i arrive at my gate at 7.20 when it ays departure 7.30. and all the lights were off. sonnofabitch! so i had to get the next flight out and the person said 8 hours to wait sir. i was like.. omgwtfbbq? so i had 8 hours in one terminal to kill. i mean after you wonder the shops (not many) 3 times you know everything they sell, what prices they are, and who the staff are. and that only took about an hour at max. so you end up sitting down staring into space for 6+ hours. its the most stoning i've ever done in my life! then i reach edinburgh and my dads not there. hahah so i panic and wait cause i got no money fer a taxi. but alas he arrives and we are reunited. what a heartwarming story of fatigue, dispair, suspense, and £10 pounds spent on a lunch that was bollocks.

/edit because of 21731984124

over and out!

James Barr at 12:10 PM

Monday, February 13, 2006

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valentines day. every womans favourite commercial holiday of february. every mans burn-a-fuckin-hole-in-my-goddamm-pocket-oh-holy-mother-mary-had-a-little-lamb-its-fur-
was-white-as-snow day. okay apart from the last bit its kinda true. it does burn holes in your pockets. but hey its worth it isnt it. yes deny yourself from the sad truth. as for me im neutral. yes the fact remains true its my 18th year consecutively without a valentine. yes someone give me a trophy! its also my 18th year consecutively not having to worry about the bill as well though. its also my 18th year consecutively wishing i had one though. lets not escape the truth shall we.

you yes you! reading this. be my valentine! no wait, your probably a fat dude from the phillipines eating a donut and in your boxers and sweated beyond repair white ah pek shirt. just like the dude from the phillipines who viewed my profile. now that was a scary incident. now for those who dont know friendster is a web service to connect friends together although it also provides windows for evil perverts and serial killers to chose victims. anyway this phillipines guy. for those who dont know hes in the archives somewhere. the archives somewhere on the right hand side of the page.

hey heres a challenge. how do you describe the right hand side without using the word right. and dont say not left because thats not allowed. i supposed you could like not wear a shoe on your right foot and then say "the side of my body without the shoe. so yah that direction! nono this way. yaya, thats right!!, oh fuck i just said right." right so anyway.

heres a quote from comedian mitch hedberg (now dead RIP). so i was in the restaurant the other day and i ordered a chicken hamburger. but the waitress didnt hear me properly so she asked, and how would you like your eggs done sir. so i tried to just go along with it, so i said. incubated. and then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked, and then chopped up, and then put on a grill, and then in between two buns. man thats gonna take a while.. scrambled!! and yes i laughed my ass off.

so right back to valentines day. what this entry was supposed to be about. havent really packed for my leaving yet. ill probably just dump a shit load of clothes (un ironed of course) and be on my way. im gonna miss my friends, my computer, my guitar, oh yeah and theres my mum also. okay so back to the big day. ive written a poem for ya'all. hope you like it teehee.

roses are red,
violets are blue.
wait before i start,
theres gum on my shoe.

(ok)

beggars are poor.
all they need is pie.
we dont have dates,
but we'll still get high.

i am james.
you are a mystery.
valentines day is here,
my name tag spells misery! :(

if your free,
give me a call.
just dont tell me
your name is paul.

if your not,
its well okay.
we'll just make out
another day.

a girl like you.
would be good for me.
but look at my wallet,
my valentines is for free!

so dont be glum
if you dont have a date.
just stop by here.
especially if your names kate.

;)
happy valentines

James Barr at 10:04 AM

Friday, February 10, 2006

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you know having a blog is kinda like having a girlfriend. you hang out with it all the time. your always checking to see if people tag it. you make entries on it ( for some only la). you play with it when your bored. so who needs girls when you have a blog.

and thats enough for todays consoling paragraph where i try to make my life sound unsad. on to more important things like TV mobile and valentines day. has anyone noticed the amount of citigem ads they've put on recently. every 5 seconds i hear that song come up and fiona xie appears putting her earings on in a very suggestive stance facing the camera (mirror). she then approaches some other chinese actress ( dont really care cause she doesnt have big boobs) ( im just kidding) ( she has big boobs also) ( okay enough with the boobs already) and gives her a pair as well, in a even more suggestive position. i tell ya these ads so dont know how to make you wanna buy jewelery. they only know how get a song stuck in your head for the rest of the day!! and also get some giggles from males in the bus. salute to citigems on wasting money on tv mobile when they should know, people who takes public transport have no money for expensive body decorations!!! goddaaaymm.

o level results are out. not that im taking o levels. so i wont even have to talk about that then.

leaving for scotty land this wednesday. cheap flight cheap flight. so i wont be here to get my a level results. i can just imagine my mother telling me on the phone. "you failed miserably!!". im going to have nightmares of the sort. i can also imagine her toying with my feelings... "you did horribily... well.... at not getting any A... level fails..... because you passed... nothing... badly... because you passed with flying colours... if you consider red ( fail colour) flying...". i really just wanna collect them personally. but oh well.. being told verbally that your life has just ended just doesnt cut it. i need to see it on paper. in cold printed ink on that horrible goverment paper.

celebrating dons birthday was fun. well the fact that don wasnt there kinda defeated the purpose but jeremy and loo and i still downed some liquid babes ( alchohol) and made merry. no worries don, really. just make sure you have a free day before i is zhao from singapore.

cmon everybody smile, i wanna see your gums. even if you dont want to. good night.

James Barr at 6:49 AM

Thursday, February 09, 2006

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"she tosses back another. her shaking slows to a stop. her voice loses its crushed-coke-bottle edge and goes husky, creamy with false confidence. shes on her way to getting as happy as she ever gets"

James Barr at 10:12 PM

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

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you know ah, life is a bit like eating a bag of peanuts. or sweetened cashews that is. well why? because you use the computer and you eat them nuts, and after a while the eating just becomes something unconcious. when your mouth is empty you just fill it up with nuts again. kinda like life, where you just continue with everyone around you. all your friends ( the nuts, well literally also) and those who are more than friends. you continue munching and munching. it too becomes so subconcious that your surrounded by love. only when you run out of nuts! ah. thats when you realise for the first time in so long your mouth is empty and it feels so different. you got no more nuts to chew man! so next time your enjoying a bag of nuts, relate it to your own life. and you will realise that you gotta cherish your loved ones while you can. cherish your nuts man, cherish them. your big nuts...

okay anyway.

James Barr at 10:23 PM

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

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alright and now for the final question. are you ready?

yes i'm ready.

...

yah that was the question...

now a wise man once told me. if life gave you apples. well that was about it.

anti climatics are just SO cooLthey just make me wAnNNA.... sleep.

James Barr at 7:31 AM

Friday, February 03, 2006

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you know what i dont get? i dont get the chinese practice of burning stuff. all these mansions and cars and money are all burnt, ensuring that they get all these goodies when they go to hell. man, what if hell aint got no roads? or shops? and land for lease? what you gonna do with all your stuff balls? reburn ah then send back? i tell you if i could burn anything for me in hell, i'd burn like... a thousand fire extinguishers man! then i'd put out all the fire in hell. hehehe. eh might as well i burn myself a fire truck or two. hahah then hell no more fire then i'd be like the new messiah. but i could take it easy ah. i just burn god la. then he go hell and fight!! then beat satan up. or maybe i just burn heaven. then heaven so big sure replace hell what. or maybe ill just stick to burning angelina jolie and winona!! but skarly they cannot come my hell. singapore hell probably damm strict on terrorism, their immigration sure fail. burn fiona xie!



does anyone agree with me when i say iGallop is a sex machine? i mean whoever designed it is either a fucking retard or purposely trying to create something titilating man! seriously. its just wrong. it is just WRONG. its just so wrong that it just shouldnt exist. i mean its bad enough the advertisement has three women "riding" the iGallop. but today at simlim, we saw the salesman riding one. i mean... do i really have to explain to you intelligent readers what riding someone means? those who are innocent it is a sex position :) and to add to the badness rating why the EFF is there an i at the front??? its not made by apple. what the fuck is it there for? what does it stand for? intelligent? intensive? idiotic maybe. or maybe idunnowhytheheckyouinventedthisGallop.


so this my friends.. is just wrong.

im too stressed to go on. goodnight!

James Barr at 9:01 AM

Thursday, February 02, 2006

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handphone : spoilt
mp3 player : spoilt
watch : no batteries
computer : overheats
guitar : string burst
printer : no ink
skin : rash
mind : non existant

man there are so many things i gotta fix right now, its so not funny!

James Barr at 4:50 PM

why use big words, when small words take less energy to type and convey the message better.

eh?

its just so platitudinous and hebetudinous if you ask me.

James Barr at 2:32 AM

what does PC stand for.

well i know because the P in PC stands for hell.

but i shant wander into computer troubles because life has so much more to offer. like beer and pretty women. although i get neither there is still much to be had. like money and a good job. im just depressing myself here so lets move on. i think i am pretty much comparable to a wild animal. i hibernate exessively and then wake up and stay awake for 48 hours. pyjamas are just too comfortable to change out of. whoever invented them mustve been a dumbass, or someone with a very irritating alarm clock. a really good alarm clock would be one that cant be turned off. its called the sun and its fucking irritating and hot. screw the sun. maybe thats why people sleep at night. ive got to be a normal person.

in fact if i ever become a normal person, i will not be one. once my life stagnates and swirls into a spriral of boring meaningless and everyday tasks which invlolve paper and rudimentary brain work, i will grab life by its little neck and twist it until it screams, "ahhh change!". and i'll move to a new country and partake in a small little company inhabited by humorous individuals who are geeks, but get laid every friday. and then after a while, ill just die.

i've forgotten im an a levels student. or an ex one at that. suddenly my mum was like when are your results coming out. and suddenly i was brought down to earth. oh yeah so thats what im waiting for. i've become so uselessly ocupied with hobbies that i've forgotten what my life task is. you know life task. everyone has one. get a job. get a car. get a house. get a wife. get a kid. get another one. get a widescreen television. get a dog. get another wife. get away. get high. get laid. get dead. so right now my life task involved sitting around collecting stubble waiting for a slip of paper that shall determine the rest of my life. hehe but paper can be recycled.

these dumbasses downstairs really have no/very little brain matter. dont they realise they are playing in front of a hdb block. and noise travels upwards. and when your playing soccer and you miss a goal, your likely to shout something like, "fuck la chee bye!!". i bet you some kids go home at night and get a whollop man. the only time i ever got a whollop was from my primary school bus driver. that mofo caned my hand man. thats why till this present day im scared to hold girls hands. no relation but its an excuse at that. my parents never beleived in harsh punishment ( did you dad?). if i was a parent i'd fine my kids! you know like tax. i mean as a kid money is like the next most important thing, next to video games and porno. so when you tax a kid. its like whacking him 100 times. plus you get to save some bucks as well. put it in his university fund. just dont tell him it the uni stand for you and i.

anyone remember that game where you pass the ring through a long winding rod trying not to make contact? and when you accidentally touch the rod it goes BUZZZ ZAAAP. yeah well that game sucks.

James Barr at 1:58 AM

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