Wednesday, November 30, 2005

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antibiotics smantibiotics. they dont work bollocks. im still down with fever and my hip still hurts like shit. i think im flirting with death here. hey death you have nice legs. death must use veet shaving equipment. then once death takes us we can all scream "BITCH!!!". cause satan is coming everyone. before humans existed, there was a huge battle between gods. dinosaurs were minions and they faught each other to death. obviously the number of churches nowadays is testimony to the success of god over satan. (yeah god rulez!). so god froze satan in the icebergs. so that he'd never be able to escape. but not realizing that humans are bastards and we use CFC's and pollutants, he did not see the whole global warming problem coming. so the worlds heating up and the icecaps are melting and satan is emerging from the frosty hell he was put in. ( no wonder he has such a cold personality) hoho not funny. anyway to sumarise this for you, satan lives in the icecaps and when they melt in 40 years he'll appear and bring the world to its miserable end.

but then again in 40 years we'd all be having our mid life crisis' (unless we die). we'd all be questioning our existence and meaning of life and our faith. therefore we'd all be prone to satans brainwashing. either that or we wont give a fuck at all and just ignore the whole armageddon thingy. you know its only armageddon. we still have the whole afterlife. then our afterlife will become the new world. and everyone will live in the afterlife, therefore the world didnt really end at all. we just shifted houses and beleive in a different god. who knows our god now might be our rpevious worlds satan! touch wood la. wait no wood.

or maybe humans will become damm powerful and we'd fight satan off! we'd develop like anti lucifer beams! it would be like inbuilt in everyones keychains for convenience. there are many theories to the end of the world and mine doesnt make any more sense than the rest do. we're all destined to die, so why do we care? earth needs a revamp too. make love, not useless theories!

i cant beleive i actually danced yesterday. im sure i made a fool out of myself and i apologize to anyone subjected to it. euphoria has strange effects. it even made my hip feel like nothing. anyways im kinda getting sedated from the medicine already. thats probably whats screwing up my entries and making them into huge piles of garbage.

have a nice day/night/life

James Barr at 7:36 AM

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

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i can predict the future of advertising. yes i am a guru of predicting predictable stuff.

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IF YOU ARE LESS THAN PERFECT. ASK YOUR FRIEND TO BURN IT FOR YOU!
IF YOU HAVE VERY LITTLE MORALS. BUY THE PIRATED COPY FOR $6!
AND IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MORALS AT ALL: USE LIMEWIRE REGULAR TO DOWNLOAD LIMEWIRE PRO FOR FREE!!! YOU ENJOY A SAVINGS OF $39.90 WHICH YOU CAN THEN USE FOR SATISFYING YOUR HEROIN ADDICTION!!!

James Barr at 11:55 PM

Sunday, November 27, 2005

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just got back from the polyclinic. daaaaym my groin hurts. i seem to have done something to the muscle from tennis on friday. it hurts like bollocks and i cant move or sleep or do anything. the polyclinic is a funny place. its full of old people ( they are prone to many sorts of diseases) and malay families (dad with soccer shirt + like 5 little kids) getting their babies vacinated (their prone to pregnancy). anyway apart from that theres like all these nurses walking around. a constant flow of people who do nothing. they just walk and walk. i swear i saw the same few nurses just walking to and fro from point a to b and then to female toilet and food shop and back to a. it never ends. finally got to see the doc who pulled down my pants and examined me muscle. he was very friendly though. not the over friendly ( scary homo ) kind of friendly but a reasonable amount of friendly. so i finally got my pain killers. combine that with the medicine i took last night (which is still making me drowsy) i feel like a zombie (except i cant walk).

and the bollocks thing is prom is a day away. since im on these freaking pills i cant drink (alcohol). like wtf man! my whole night is ruined!! anyway i think im going to retire to my bed because i cant really remember what ive typed for this entry and neither do i know what im typnig now.

its my leg and it fuckin hurts.
i can move as fast as, well 2 hertz.
but it cant stop me from my rhymes.
i got to get though these tough times.
so bust a move and be well.
just hope ma leg doesnt swell.
time to get off to bed.
what the fuck, i cant feel my head.

James Barr at 11:20 PM

Friday, November 25, 2005

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ESTRAGON:

Wait! (He moves away from Vladimir.) I sometimes wonder if we wouldn't have been better off alone, each one for himself. (He crosses the stage and sits down on the mound.) We weren't made for the same road.

VLADIMIR:

(without anger). It's not certain.

ESTRAGON:

No, nothing is certain.

Vladimir slowly crosses the stage and sits down beside Estragon.

VLADIMIR:

We can still part, if you think it would be better.

ESTRAGON:

It's not worthwhile now.

Silence.

VLADIMIR:

No, it's not worthwhile now.

Silence.

ESTRAGON:

Well, shall we go?

VLADIMIR:

Yes, let's go.

They do not move.

Curtain.

James Barr at 9:49 AM

Thursday, November 24, 2005

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It's gotten late and now I want to be alone.
All of our friends were here, they all have gone home
and here I sit on the front porch watching
the drunks stumble forth into the night.

You gave me a heart attack, I did not see you there.
I thought you had disappeared so early away from here

This is the chance I never got to make a move, but
we just talk about the people we've met in the last five years
and will we remember them in ten more.

I let you bum a smoke, you quit this winter past.
I've tried twice before, but like this, it just will not last.

- steadier footing by death cab

James Barr at 9:24 AM

shit i have responsibilities. oh no i have to study. wait... I DONT!!!!! you know why?

cause exams now look like that!

i now sit here anticipating prom with $47 dollars, a bad head of hair and no formal shirt or blazer. the biggest night of my life so far, apart from the whole being born night, is nigh! dancing around and eating and drinking and getting so drunk you dont remember a thing and waking up the next morning with a chick you dont know beside you in a room you have no idea where the hell it is and you dont really know who you are until you drink some water and recover from a seriously bad headachey hangover. or maybe we'd just end up standing in a corner with a cup of punch trying to avoid eye contact with anyone and then proceed home before 12am because mummy wants you home. well either way it sounds like a blast. or maybe you could combine the two and stand in the corner and drink like a crazy man and then proceed home and wake up the next morning and feel.... or you could just not go and spend your time in front of the television watching local serials which suck ass.

speaking of local cereals, i need to buy a box of koko krunch. personally i think its the best cereal ever made. with all these late nights i need a snack to make me feel like its morning so i can get to sleep in the afternoons. well not only does koko krunch feed you, when combined with milk it also gives a cool chocolatey flavour to the milk. its like a two in one. the only demerit is the retarded kuala bear on the front. i mean why do you choose a talking kuala bear to advertise a chocolate cereal? i guess it follows the trend. the cocopop monkey, the corn flakes rooster, the frosted flakes tiger and the fruit loops parot. whats it with animals and cerials man? they dont make the cereals do they? i suppose cereals are vegetarian and stuff so they put animals on the front to show that "hey your not eating us! great!". but then if their vegetarian cereals, they why not advertise them with vegetables! you know like broccoli's breakfast bites! or carots crunchy cakes! or lettuces lunchtime licks! or tomatos tea time treats! sorry for the alliteration i just thought its neccesary to make my point. oh and the by the way did you all know that the frosted flakes tiger is called tony. yeah go and look at his bandana. like... why tony? i seriously dunno what the hell is going on there.

man nobody reads my blog anymore. well anystrangers who wanna say you suck or anything just tag on your right ( i can seriously pre-emt someone i know saying "you suck" right now..). oh and sarah i thought it was somebody elses dog. i wouldnt do it on purpose and start a war with you. i mean yeah im dumb but im smarter than that. okay im off to wallow in pity over my economic state. my graphics card being spoilt and all i cant play with the com. maybe ill go read a book. HAHAH A BOOK!?!?! WTF ARE THOSE? i dont need to touch one for another 2 and a half years!!!!! i guess ill just go play pins and needles with my legs...

James Barr at 8:39 AM

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

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after playing age of empires II and completing the scottish quest of william wallace, it inspired me to download the whole album from braveheart. but once the trasnfers were complete i realised that almost every song is the same. bagpipes + old school drums. only variable in speed volume and intensity! although some of them are really uplifting. make you just wanna pick up a sword and slay some english in a huge battle on a bloody field. bravehearts still one of my favourite movies though. but i never understood one thing. they never had shampoo back then, so all the males hair is fucked up and dry and shit. but the female lead has this flowing perfectly smooth head of hair. bugger! hows that possible? computer generated ah?

i wanna study the caretaker for tomorows exam, but im waiting for the weather to break ( insider joke ). oh i just found out one of the coolest things you can do with your legs except walk. you put them in a funny position until they turn totally numb. then when you cant feel anything at all.. get up and walk! slowly now. its amazing you cant feel a thing and it feels so awesome. i laughed my ass off the first time. and since i was at home alone, i felt kinda retarded cause i didnt have anyone to tell. then when your done with that put your leg in a normal resting position for about a minute. then when you think everything is okay move it. hahah this cool tingling sensation goes right up your leg and it hurts yet feels good! yes so boys and girls, if mommy didnt buy you the latest digimon toy, you can always just play with your leg.

14 more hours until the a levels are over man. hope cambridged doesn't get bombed and all our papers'll burn in the flames. aiya touch wood la. woops no wood.

James Barr at 4:43 AM

Monday, November 21, 2005

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i came across a young boy named james.
he told me this.
he said,
there are three types of people in this world
one, those who give a shit.
two, those who dont give a shit about giving a shit.
three, those who give a shit about not giving a shit about giving a shit.
he said,
i come under four,
i like big toys that make loud noises.
thank you and goodnight.

James Barr at 6:33 AM

one last exam to go!

yes you guessed it!

James Barr at 5:09 AM

Saturday, November 19, 2005

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2 more exams to go!

and thats what they look like!

James Barr at 2:38 AM

3 more exams to go!

and thats what they look like!

James Barr at 1:40 AM

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

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hello person that has come to my blog. your computer will self destruct in 5 seconds.
5
4
3
2
1..
hah, just kidding. that is just my feeble attempt at a joke. put the lime in the coke you nut! speaking of coke i saw a great ad for pepsi. hahah it was insane. this small kid goes to a vending machine. and buys two cans of coke. he then puts the cans on the ground and steps on them for leverage. with his new found height, he presses the pepsi button and clonk a pepsi can comes down and he walks away while the pepsi logo filling the screen. pure genius. if only singaporean ads were this good. then again i wouldnt really care. well at least they arent as bad as the mentos ad. geez.

a week left till A's are over.
A WEEK OF HELL!!!!!!!!!!!
...-_-"

James Barr at 10:11 AM

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

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so the vitagen didnt really work..

James Barr at 10:58 AM

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

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so i found some vitagen in the fridge. appears mother is trying to boost my immune system a week before exams start. that it will somehow perform a super miracle and turn me into a lean mean fighting machine, just like the potions in asterix which turn him into a one man army ( at knee cap height ). but thats besides the point. whats the point? oh well guess there isnt one.

so went to watch DooM with ju,kit and brandon and had 2 hours of totally mindless blasting of brains, guts, pulling off of ears, monsters getting stuck in walls, the big fat gun, an arm getting cut of by a closing door, someone getting shot in the neck, 200 thousand others getting shot elsewhere, and of course a girl with no bra. well i mean every movie has to have one of those just to make sure it atains blockbuster status. a movie about a dozen guys blasting hordes of zombies off doesnt seem as much appealing. so they just happen to be accompanied by the cutest scientist on mars ( among several odd looking men and dangerously men looking odds ). so the jist of the story is that some thing goes in your chromosomes or whatever and does something to turn you into a fucking huge man killing beast. its a bit like power rangers megazoids but without the power rangers and they arent robotic. therefore its more like the creature from the lagoon yet much bigger and much uglier. so its not much like anything but it is bloody huge. and that is scary.

so everybody ( 200 thousand ) dies except the main character and the girl with no bra. ohh what a suprise! never saw that coming did we! however it was nice to just sit there and turn your brain into jello state and just watch peoples head getting ripped off. before asking each other intellectual questions like, "dude wheres the monster gone?" and "dude did you see that?" and last but not least adn we cant forget this one, "dude is she wearing a...?". we all need reality breaks. so gimme a break to go take a break dammit! ive reached breaking point so let me break a leg. other wise id breakdown and breakout into a rage and break your neck.

so french written tomorrow. yipee. maybe the vitagen will work like the stuff in DooM and turn me into a lean mean frenching machine, whatever way you wanna interpret that as. until then i have my mini mars bars and ribena. ciao!

James Barr at 7:47 AM

Monday, November 07, 2005

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okay so titles dont appear on this blog anyway. awdjkawnldjkawnbdjkawdnb!!!

James Barr at 7:33 AM

started adding titles to the entries cause i think it looks nicer. and thats reason enough for i do not feel i have to justify to god almighty why i think a title should go in top of an entry because actually titles are for things that mean something whereas... i dont even know where im going with this so im just going to stop here.

considering my last listening comphrehension was a total disaster and consisted of lenghty gibberish in which the only thing i understood out of the first text was the word asparagus ( in which i used to answer such questions like what did the person say the colour of asparagus is when its ripe : green (duh) ) and so get a mark. apart from that everything else would turn my teacher's face the colour os asparagus, with sickness and disgust for my utter disreguard for the language of love. how the HOD os french sends nicely written letters to brother paul saying your student has not being attending lessons in which i write the same things over and over again : "i am very sorry for not attending classes as i realise how integral they are to my development.... etc". then my french teacher tries to tell me how french is a beautiful language and how it is like an art form in itself like dancing flowers and daffodils in the wind. ah fuck off la!

okay so he didnt say that much about the flowers and shit, but still. so im going into the exam expecting the only answers i will know to be my name, date and class. very reassuring. oh and hibernian are actually doing "not bad" in the scottish league. yipee. its good to actually see your club do something right for a change after all the years of failures, bad managers, hooligans and drunk players. for more information hop over to www.hibernianfc.co.uk and start supporting them cause their better than man u! damm right.

checklist for after exams
- buy new graphics card for my computer
- buy/download games for computer
( oh i just love how my life revolves around virtual reality )
- buy new shoes to play soccer in
- play soccer
- play more games
- have a bonfire with notes now rendered useless
- sleep ( only as a last resort if tiredness becomes too much to handle )
- eat ( A LOT! because thats what we love the most, besides girls, or maybe girls made out of food. mmm that would be perfect )
oh yeah and last but not least..
- get life

the last of which includes cutting back on the previous 5 aims! well until then sweet freedom i shall go back to memorizing the reasons why nationalism was ineffective and how Dr Ba Mow and U Saw or U Pu or whatever had little cat fights in which they flicked cocktail sticks at each other and called each other names like "You POO!" and "BIG MOUTH!" and so yeah there was a divided front and thus nationalism failed to reach its potential. i shall also go back to memorizing wtf a fiscal policy is. not like i give a rats ass. i dont make decisions to increase goverment spending or not. they just do it whether i like it or not. i just rather more companies like tiger beer engage in such advertising as getting jessica alba to say "whos going to get me another tiger?". it works wonders i tell you. jeremys dad bought packs of tiger straight away. okaaay. maybe singtel can get jennifer garner. and starhub can get stacy keibler. and PAP can get someone like catherine zeta jones to front them in the next election! you know she could wear like a white angel suit and grab lee hsien loong by the tie and pull him towards her with all the other MP's in the back looking on with wide eyes and mouths a drooling. the caption could read : "vote for PAP if not we'll ban these type of ads!" that would be great man. the future of singapore looks bright.

James Barr at 7:04 AM

Friday, November 04, 2005

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"The late Mitch Hedberg was a stand-up comic, known for his odd material and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs."
i watched one of the funniets stand ups today. totally my fav one cause the guys an absolute nutcase. let me quote you some of it. ( i got this from the net and did not spend my entire night typing out his comedic act)

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, "Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!"
That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons.
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
i bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. i dont need a reciept for a donut.... i just cannot imagine a scenario where i would have to prove that i bought a donut. i like baked potatoes. but it takes forever to cook them in a conventional oven. so i just stick one in even if i dont want one. then by the time its done... who knows!? My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess - if you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.
Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.
I saw a billboard for the lottery. It said, "Estimated lottery jackpot 55 million dollars." I did not know that was estimated. That would suck if you won and they said, "Oh, we were off by two zeroes. We estimate that you are angry."
I got a belt on that's holding up my pants, and the pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What's going on here? Who is the real hero?
I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.
I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"
I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"
I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.
Imagine if an bow and arrow killed you. That would suck. An arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. "Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way."
2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.
My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Darn! Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."
The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless.
I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "I'll just get a tan instead."
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. Look what I have. This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick something up.
I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant. Because the customer is always right.

James Barr at 10:33 AM

Thursday, November 03, 2005

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location : found in fridge
time : 1005
status : a little banged up
status revaluated : good enough to eat.
status 5 minutes later : dinner! mmm yum
taste : like cardboard and powder...

James Barr at 6:11 AM

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