Saturday, July 29, 2006

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you know the kinda luck. the kind that is kinda like a word that rhymes with it but starts with a f? you know the kind that you get when you have two buses to take ( 87 and 72) but as you are heading to take 72 you change your mind and decide to take bus 87 at the other bus stop, but as you walk towards it, it goes hurtling pasts you and the bus stop is way to far to run. so you turn back and walk towards the other bus stop but at the traffic lights suddenly 72 appears, like a bastard with a snigger. and it too does the worst and goes past you. it always happens you know. i could be 10-15 seconds in front and i would have caught it. but no it chooses the exact moment where its impossible.

singapore idol is becoming such a joke already. honestly i dont really know why i am watching or following it, but i just cant help watching just to find out which songs their going to screw up again. as one by one the good singers are ousted from the biggest singing competition, we are left with people who cant sing better than someone with a cat down their throat and a tongue twisted ten times over. and by people, here of course i am referring to the two guys. oh wait there are 4 guys left. severe lack of male voting here i presume. reason : no hot girls. i mean if there were hot girls in it, then daaaym id be watching it intently. but there aint none! there is a severe flaw in the voting process. they should just rig it all and let mathilda win. even though she looks like my mother. no serious. she does. not that thats a bad thing or whatever.

i always hate it when people on tv phrase their sentences with a question, then give the answer immediately. its like freaking hell arent you gonna give me a chance to guess? they'd just be like, "and what did john do?" "well, he killed himself". and i'd be sitting there thinking to myself, "wheres the cheese at? oh crap what? oh she already told me.. bugger". or maybe they'd go "and what happened next?" "they all perished". people have to understand that choice of words play a significant part in the viewers experience. if you immediately gratify the viewer with the answer he is not going to be able to use his brain. this is where television gets its label as the idiot box.

its all about choice.

i made a wrong choice last night. i wanted to find out if someone was sleeping ( who was on the other side of the room). so i got the person next to him's attention and then made a sleep signal (putting my palms together and resting them against the side of my head, slightly tilting it at the same time) and then pointed to sleeper. she then woke him up!! wtf. i didnt want her to wake him up but she did. so i realised if i had pointed first before making the sleep sign it would of had the right outcome. you see the sleep signal then point means, "hes sleeping? wake him up for me" while the point and sleep signal means "look at him. is he sleeping?"

but enough about signs and sleeping and choices. because signs of sleepiness are getting to me. so ill make the choice of sleeping now. this is me, signing off to sleep. choice.

James Barr at 3:08 AM

Friday, July 28, 2006

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i shall now present to you the paragraphs of boredom. a four part series in which the art of crap shall be demonstrated, and where the product of stoning shall be discovered. come join me as we dive into the words which i call... "uterus bullshiterus!", lets go!

(i hope i dont get charged for the following story)
national service is the time in every singaporean males life when they are called up to serve and protect the nation. its a time of tough training and test of mental strength. the lives of their family members, loved ones and friends are resting on their shoulders. with the threat of terrorism on the rise, we all know the importance of serving our ns and we must take it upon ourselves to rise to the challenge and endure the hardship that comes along with the training. its our responsibility to learn how to protect our nation. as for me however, i spend my national service sitting on my arse writing this bullshit in this office. lovely...

(the following story is totally fiction)
Claire. she was the best thing that ever happened to me in high school. we started off so innocently by passing each other smiles ta lunch and looking away shyly. one day i plucked up enough courage to ask her out to watch a movie. it was great and we were so alike. we held hands on the second date. we kissed on our third and we made out on the fourth and by the sixth date i knew where her secret mole was. i thought it was love and we promised to marry at eighteen. i walked her home everyday from school. all my friends teased me about it but i couldnt help it, she was the one for me. i swear and i swore, i'd love her forever. well that was last month. i met joanna in the local deli. man this girl was fine. we..........

(the following story makes me seem kinda weird, but im not)
and i watched the ant as it tumbled though the gaps in my hair and i felt each of its tiny legs clambering on my pores, as it stumbled foolishly around from point to point. and i took up my finger poised to attack the invading creature on my arm. i went in for the attack and poked it lightly to frighten it first. it took off in an insane frenzy and ran like it was being chased by a giant finger. well it was so i dont really blame the poor wee bugger. and then with a tilt of my arm i sent it into a clumsy roll hanginon for dear life and then flying through the air landing on the desk with nothing more than a light bounce. i swear however i could see the fear on its feelers. it then wriggled itself upright and continued on as if the past event had never happened at all. and i looked at it with contempt. and i thought, gee what a dumbass, and then proceeded to pick it up and repeat the whole process again.

the world is filled with weird people. there are skinny people who are on diets but really shouldnt. and there are fat people who arent on diets but really should. there are crazy people who make the most sense, but only to themselves. and there are overly sane people who do make sense even to themselves. there are smart people who take risks and end up poor. there are dumbass people who strike it lucky and live like kings. there are preists who go to brothels and there are atheists that stay away. there are lawyers that protect the guilty. and there are lawyers that protect the innocent, except their the same lawyer. there is a child dying of severe hunger and malnutrition. and theres a kid in the us shouting at mom cause she forgot to put ketchup on the side. theres a wife who prefers the mailman. a son that ran away. and a daughter that actually wants to be a son. there is that internet company that says they will fix your viruses. there that same internet company that gave you the viruses in the first place. there the blind guy that see's clearer than a pilot and a pilot who see's clearer than the president. and there are people that actually do work around here, and theres me...

James Barr at 11:42 PM

Saturday, July 22, 2006

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James Barr at 11:50 PM

Friday, July 21, 2006

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today i could blog about something exciting. i could tell you of how i've overcome materialistic and hedonistic tendencies to become a better person and realise that what i have is enough and i should be happy with my life. i could recount to you my week in which ive managed to connect with nature and obtain its energies to add to my own, thus being at one with the universe in total bliss. or maybe i could have an entry that goes on about how my life is a mess and its depressing and black and miserable and how the weekend offers nothing more of the week. i guess it doesnt matter when you become comfortable with your own company and you start to enjoy it. then theres those moments where you see a cat jump from the second storey and land perfectly unharmed and you go "holy shit, wish somebody was here to see that". and you keep the image in thought of sharing it with someone later, but you think and you think and you dont know who.

but no, im just dumb. i shall take a trip to dreamland and when i wake i shall with a smile and i shall be happy for this is only temporary. what would james say to himself if he was a sulky bastard. tsk.

James Barr at 9:56 AM

Friday, July 14, 2006

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i dont know who the hell designed my mouth, but it just so happens that whenever im eating my left molar just seems to keep chunking together with the one on top and hence chunking out my side flesh of my mouth. and it happens once and then it swells so its bigger and therefore theres more chance of it getting bitten again. and so it keeps getting bitten over and over and this takes place at several times during each meal. i dont mean to complain like this but really life is getting harder by the day. first its the whole waking up thing which has to be done, then theres like living and breathing and stuff and then now a bite hole in my mouth flesh! it just gets worse...

the newspaper is depressing. rape/murder/hate/molest/headbut/skeleton in toilet/headbut.

after spending an average of 14 hours a day sitting in an office doing absolutely nothing except reading and sleeping and eating, ive let my mind loose to wander the plains of thought and after much wandering i've arrived with several key issues i think should be brought to hand. the first being the ad i saw in the newspaper. "bust enhancing serum". yea as it says just rub in on your boobs and they will be bigger/firmer and attract more business tycoons. how the hell does this serum work? i wonder, and then i thought shit, what if you accidentally spilt the serum (all of it) all over your leg?? would you grow a F-CUP right there? damm that would be embarrassing man. or worse still you mixed it up with your face wash and you became a walking booby! holy crap. its a miracle this serum, no surgery no pain, just serum.

i also started to ponder the validity of vegetarians. i mean you dont eat meat because you watched bambi or whatever, but why do you eat meat flavoured starch? or things that taste and look like meat. its like you wont eat pork, but youd eat something that looks and tastes like pork. its like eating kitten flavoured potato chips, its just wrong. bambi wouldnt want you to eat something that tasted like it. would i go as far as saying next cannibals will substitute human flesh with stuff that tastes slightly human. maybe they have prostetic legs with starch all over it in curry or something. mmm tasty!!

okay next i was thinking about tiger balm. does it really make you fierce but a but slightly crazy at the same time. heehee that was a very short thought but it made me giggle. (tiger)(balmy) <-- get it?

heres one that gao raised over ice cream and latte. how did mickey, donald, goofy and pluto all meet each other? and its a bloody good question. i mean ones a mouse, the others a duck and the other two are dogs ( goofys sort of a dog right?) and none of them speak english, they just make their respective noises. well in the old cartoons anyway. dont tell me they went to school together because thats just ridiculous. well i dont have the answer. but well maybe walt was high on something contraband at the time and thought, "hey ill draw a mouse that has a dog as a pet and talks to a duck whose friend is also a dog but yet doesnt have anything against mickey having pluto as a pet, heh ill be a millionaire!"

so obviously im using my time in camp very wisely. next week i shall think about why letter I, L,F and E are all made by adding another line to the previous one. i shall also ponder why vegetables have to taste so bad and also try and stare away my belly.

well thats all from me folks.

James Barr at 8:11 AM

Sunday, July 02, 2006

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and it goes like this.

the how are yous?

and the how you beens?

James Barr at 4:25 AM

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