Monday, May 31, 2004
lameness = facade
facade = cover cover = conceal conceal = hide hide = escape escape = avoid avoid = a void deck? a void deck = a HDB a HDB = a flat a flat = a problem on the road a problem on the road = traffic jam therefore lameness is a traffic jam. bugger it all..
James Barr at 5:08 AM
i wanna run away to a far off island where i can work as a bar tender in a beach bar which is beside the waves where lots of surfers go to have a splash and i can just live on the beach itself cuz i wont be bothered to buy a place cuz thats too expensive and anyway on this island there is no such thing as money as people just use the thing called the shell where they give and take the shells in exchange for a good or service and in this case my service is serving the drinks and the good is the drink and so after drinking all day there will be the night which i can use to enjoy the finer things in life like hanging around and slacking and looking at the stars in dazed eyes because of all the fun im having and this life would continue for all the time untill im a old man and still serving my drinks in my little stand next to the beach until the sun sets when i become the fun loving man who doesnt have a care such as tax or mortgage or insurance to care about like i have no life plan or ambition or insurance in case i have a major accident or something because on this island there is none of that because its just a care free island which seems too good to be true.thats cuz it is
sorry for the long face. life is just trying to set its pace. thanks for your smile. it makes it all worthwhile.
James Barr at 4:27 AM
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted
Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common? Their middle name Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? They all have phones Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground." A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "why the long face?" Two men walk into a bar. You would think the second one would of ducked What does mozart do now that he is dead? He decomposes..... Why do they put bells on cows? Because their horns don't work! Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner and his wife gave him a cold shoulder? There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count. And those who can't.(my fav!) What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits a windshield? His butt teacher: whats a polygon? me: a missing parrot. How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb? Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions? What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car Have you ever seen an elf fly? It's at the top of elf pants. What's long, yellow and fruity? An apple in disguise. Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors? So he could hide in the M&M dish! Have you ever seen an elephant in the M&M dish? See it works. Why does E.T. have such big eyes? Beause he saw his phone bill. What's bright yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer. Ok, the opposite of PRO is CON, right? So what's the opposite of progress? CONgress. What time did the Chinese man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty. What do you do with two pieces of bread in the desert? =)
James Barr at 8:23 AM
Saturday, May 29, 2004
The Retardater by james barr. (caretaker)
me: what day is it today. mr.X: sunday. me: so the sun must be out. mr.X: yep. me: so its a sunny day. mr.X: i guess. -pause- me: so..uhm do you think today wil be okay? mr.X: yes. -pause- me: i think it will be alright. cause you see it is sunday so when the sun is out it is bright so you wont get lost and when ure not lost you know where u are going so everything will be okay.and when everything is okay, then it will be a good day. so today is going to be a good day so yes.and so if today is a good day then i better go out and do something and not waste the day because if tomor is not sunday then it wont be as sunny and so i might be lost in the darkness.so i have to take today and make it good cuz its sunday. i love sundays. -pause- mr.X: ah? have you heard the story of the 1/365 day? well i havent either.. "heaven? most people search for it. few find it. but i dont have to because i have you. and with you heaven is close enough" brandon: our friendship is stronger than the titanic.only a huge frickin ice berg can do any damage.and they only have those in the north so were safe. sah: hey sister take care. thanks for everything. things will blow over. over and over. dont worry to much. you have your family here. fio: haha the handshake! sorry sister. the smiths.. ahah. next time i wont trick. but i have to. your the youngest what to do? teresa: thanks for being there.for caring and everything you have done for me. :) rachel: a big thanks to the small one. i dunno how ure body contains your big heart.haha jeremy: i luuuurvee you! *gay handshake* titanic yeah? ahahah. thanks man. ferly: heehee. im so happy for you. hahaha!!! everyone else: i love you all to much for words to describe.
James Barr at 10:21 PM
Friday, May 28, 2004
Children's Books That Didn't Make the Cut:
------------------------------------------ 1. You Are Different and That's Bad 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 3. Dad's New Wife Robert 4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share 5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book 6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking 7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her 8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 9. All Cats Go to Hell 10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched 11. Some Kittens Can Fly. 12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption 13. Grandpa Gets a Casket 14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia 16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy 17. Strangers Have the Best Candy 18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way 19. You Were an Accident 20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will 21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games 22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan 23. Your Nightmares Are Real 24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried? 25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School 26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? 27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things 28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
James Barr at 9:07 AM
Dr. Schambaugh, from the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical
Engineering, is known for asking questions such as, "Why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: "First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist: 1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. 2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Marla Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic." The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.
James Barr at 8:55 AM
Thursday, May 27, 2004
the "dedication to short people" was deemed unfit for the blog.
so this is the other post. the one i would have wrote if i did not think of the dedication. so this is what would have happened. it is another world portal i have just created by posting this. instead of the dedication. the dedication would have helped many ppl. but its deemed unfit. so i have to write this. the other post. because i cant write anything else. another portal created. different outcomes will have been caused. the butterfly effect. a good show that. aston kutcher. makes you think about what you do in life before you do them. think twice. think three times if not enough. cause you never know what could happen. the other post. the other decision. thanks jeremy for the wonderfull jokes about the muah chee and the popiah and the couple. were among one of the funniest peices of bullshit ive heard in my life. no sense. but funny as hell. hahaha.. and you know what WHY MUAH CHEE??and popiah??? omg.. could be the coconut and the banana?. ask if you wanna hear it. have you heard the story of the other post.well it was this one.
James Barr at 6:03 AM
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
rachel: "but he's so pretty in eyeliner, and he's smiling. *swoons*"
- commenting after i told her that her depp photo looks gay. i guess she just likes her men that way. pretty with long locks of hair and bashful. which must mean brandon boyd... hahah!! oh and thanks guys for the encouragement on my new bag. im just SPEWING with confidence now. totally just overflowing over the brim with confidence. THANKS AH THANKS. >_<. and danger is not lame! bleah! grrrr. one way to get out of a speeding ticket Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
James Barr at 7:35 AM
Monday, May 24, 2004
Wonderwall by Oasis
Today is gonna be the day That they're gonna throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you gotta do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do about you now Backbeat the word was on the street That the fire in your heart is out I'm sure you've heard it all before But you never really had a doubt I don't believe that anybody feels The way I do about you now And all the roads we have to walk along are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would Like to say to you I don't know how Because maybe You're gonna be the one who saves me ? And after all You're my wonderwall Today was gonna be the day? But they'll never throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you're not to do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do About you now And all the roads that lead to you were winding And all the lights that light the way are blinding There are many things that I would like to say to you I don't know how I said maybe You're gonna be the one who saves me ? And after all You're my wonderwall
James Barr at 7:19 AM
So my mum gave me a book. i read the introduction. i guess you could call it a motivational book. maybe she thinks im not motivated enough. so it told me i have to decide what i want out of life.
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. : "so i decided that i want to decide what i want in life. so whats the next step?" The second step is to acheive the things you have decided on. : "ok so i need to decide. i want to be happy." And carry on acheiving these aims for extended lenths of time. : so i have to keep deciding. hey wait a minute i think im behind a step. The fourth step is to stop reading this and figure it out for yourself.it aint so simple ok the fourth step aint in the book.but seriously are you going to base your life around a book? the book says i should decide right now what i want. so if i do i'll be happy? dammit do people not know how to be happy? is it that bad? people have to write books on how to be happy. my mum must think im a sad boy then.
James Barr at 5:15 AM
Saturday, May 22, 2004
came over to my house yoda did.told me to write this way he did.the art of talking like yoda i figured out.talk much we did.told me he did that green he is because of the peas he ate as a child.beleive me not do you? bluffing think i am?
so... rocked today did. cool it was. went to church i did. long time it has been. talking in short sentences i am. meet the parents i did. spilled condensation on my pants i did. aahhhahha! ahem. so yoda left and theres not much to do anymore. so the moral of the story is? dont eat peas when your young.they will make you small and green and talk funny.and to some movie directors this actually makes one look wise and knowledgeble.namely george lucas.you know who would make the perfect yoda? how about a normal human being? in fact the whole jedi council are made up of weird lookin things.maybe i lack creativity. or maybe i just lack lousy designing :) remember dont eat peas.
James Barr at 8:40 AM
Friday, May 21, 2004  You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass. Don't forget though, no matter how manly you think you are, you're still just a doll. God Bless America. What childhood toy from the 80s are you? brought to you by Quizilla
James Barr at 8:32 PM
sports day.
shorts day. short day. dorks day. DQ day. sad day. awkward day. rough day. hard day. hot day. gods say? burning day. horrible day. uncomfortable day. good day. nice day. not so bad after all day. good day. one of those days. let me explain. sports day was today so i wore shorts all day. it was a short day, only 24hours.dorks day, explains itself.got another class disqualified.hence a sad day.angry faces made awkwardness a hanging.rough day got my mind kicked around.hard day, was pushed and shoved.hot day sweated like hell.but gods say, gave a little drizzle in 35 degree heat>tears? burning day sun was grilling.horrible day.but good day.nice day.dont ask why.
James Barr at 5:09 AM
Thursday, May 20, 2004
decision making
- if you decide that you are indecisive, does that make you decisive? or are you too indecisive to decide? - i recently told teresa that i have decided to go for decision making courses. but then again i have decided on something. so am i really indecisive. "so i dont need to go" i said. but then again...im indisicisive arent i. oh shit! should i go? - decisions rymes with indecision. - indecision means you in decision. but in decision means youve decided. whoever decided on the word indecision needs a mental checkup.
James Barr at 8:17 AM
'fellicia fell in a drain today.' not literally but ahem. you have to say it. a drain. go on nobody is looking.ok got it? ok good.prolly only those that know what oc is will get it.ohhhh k.
mel withdrew.oh man why oh why? no more marsh mel-lows or MEOW!! what are we going to do to have cheap thrill laughs anymore?? oh my god. i cant beleive it. carl is gonna be so lonely in class.. holy cow.. jumping jelly beans.ah.. fuck, whyd you go? im gonna miss you mEOW!! today i learned something. i learned that learning something that is hard to learn can take some time. therefore before you learn something that needs to be learned. you have to learn the fact that learning is fun and learn on.
James Barr at 7:29 AM
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
there are many definitions of a blog you know.
1) a diary that everyone can read.hence not a diary 2) a place for info to be read. but most of the time just ignored 3) a blog as in a block which means something to do with a brick.which doesnt sound very fun as bricks only have 6 sides to it.in fact a brick may be more interesting than a blog. 4) a blog is a website that people have to write what they like. 5) a blog is a sharing therefore my blog is all of the above. a diary,info-thingy,a brick,a website,and a sharing of all my bullshit. here i am harold herbert george. james does not write in his blog cuz he is sitting on the couch and staring at the peeling ceiling.i am his pet dog and also his alter ego.i write what he tells me to write and if i make a mistake he shall whip me. anyway.... life is getting much more straight. being at the parliment house today listening to some dude speaking about 'safety in construction sites'. it all just reminds me of how much this life is so based upon rules, regulations and such straightforwardness.Same with school work. teachers ask you for creativity. YES JAMES BE CREATIVE. then when ure creative they fail you and say you didnt follow the format.what happened to bending of rules? and realisation that not everything has to be so serious.like the librarian.what the shit man. oh well. lyrics by good charlotte: wondering If you want me to wait, I would wait for you If you tell me to stay, I would stay right through If you don't wanna say anything at all I'm happy wondering Since I was a young man I never was a fun man I never had a plan and no security Then ever since I met you I never could forget you I only wanna get you right here next to me 'Cause everybody needs somone that they can trust and... You're somebody that I found just in time Now my life is changing, it always rearranging It always getting stranger than I thought it ever could Ever since I found you, I wanna be around you I wanna get down to the point that I need you 'Cause everybody needs somone that they can trust and.. You're somebody that I found just in itime If you want me to wait, I would wait for you If you tell me to stay, I would stay right through If you don't wanna say anything at all I'm happy wondering Don't tell me the bad news Don't tell me anything at all Just tell me that you need me And stay right here with me If you want me to wait, I would wait for you If you tell me to stay, I would stay right through If you don't wanna say anything at all I'm happy wondering
James Barr at 7:06 AM
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your lipstick, his collar
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole 
i am james, you are stranger.. lets make love.
13/f/sg
millionsopeaches@hotmail
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full,
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