Tuesday, May 01, 2007

---

chuck norris will always be my texas ranger, and in that case i dedicate these jokes to the man that invented kick ass.

chuck norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element he believes in is the element of suprise.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity...TWICE

When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool he doesnt get wet........the water gets chuck norris'ed!!

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Jesus could walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

There is no theory of evolution; only a list of species which Chuck Norris allows to live.

The automobile was invented as a way to get away from Chuck Norris faster.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

James Barr at 1:17 AM

Sunday, April 22, 2007

---

i've been gone away from this blog for so long, its like catching up with an old friend on the mrt. ie : weird as hell. anyway, the reason ive been gone so long is because i was abducted by these canadians, who brought me to japan to teach me the ways of the samurai. i sliced melons with my pinky and killed a praying mantis with the stare of death. i had many japanese wifes and i made them all wear school uniform outfits. the canadians we're pretty nice and they said before i left 2 weeks ago, that this samurai shit would lay me many chicks back in my home country, but i sliced a melon with my pinky at the market and all i got was melon on my shirt.

i dont like this new blogger format. it actually points out your spelling mistakes. like yes i know im spelling wrong you dont have to tell me about it. i dont put my apostrophes, but you dont have to underline it in red. blogs are personal so piss off. i just ate a can of chilli and tomato tuna, and i have to say it was a pile of shit. i didnt taste any chilli. i didnt taste any tomato. i didnt even taste the damm tuna. its no wonder tuna is only good for cats. i also dont like the new msn messenger because it lets people be so sneaky and appear offline and talk to people. however the world must move forward and if you do not follow you will be left behind like an injured victim in an earthquake. "i aint helping you bitch you dont have any legs".

hahah i havent blogged in so long, and yet i STILL dont have anything good to say. its amazing i still have a blog or continue it. i wanna work for FHM one day man. y'know writer, photographer, model oiler, model oiler, model oiler!!!!! but i dont wanna oil the guys, ew. but seriously FHM would be the best place to work man. you get free subscription, well because you write the shit inside, you get to hang out with people who actually know what a good job is, i swear they have beer in their fridge office instead of coffee, and the best part is you just have to write crap about anything on earth, then just insert xxx amount of pictures of sexy girls, and POOF a best selling magazine.

ugh i missed miss singapore universe (on purpose). why because i see better looking people walking down hougang ave 10. i mean seriously are these the cream of the crop of singapore ladies? i dont think so. its so weird i know its like some shit like half brains half looks. but its also a beauty contest. i mean shrek was a great guy, but chicks didnt really dig him that much. who judges these things anyway? i mean last years one. jade seah is such a hawt piece of yummy, and she didnt even win! what is wrong with the world. anyway its 6am, and i have to go pour h20 over my body and go for NS!

NS yes the place i spend my time so that my mind does not dissolve into a putty.

bye!

James Barr at 2:40 PM

Thursday, April 12, 2007

---

James Barr at 6:20 AM

Saturday, March 10, 2007

---

James Barr at 9:12 PM

Sunday, February 25, 2007

---

get a fucking earpeice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god these kids just dont get it....

James Barr at 7:52 AM

hello people who are alive, or dead people who can read blogs.

today is a fine day, every morning is the dawn of a new error. you (a message to myself)know you really should learn to close the curtains shut before you sleep, because when the bitch of a sun rises in the morning, it is very bright. and when you leave a tiny gap the size of a straw open, that bitch is gonna shine in, DIRECTLY on your face. oh my god i tell you. my brain babies came out and they started shouting at each other. one baby is fat and lazy. the other one is fat and even more lazy. so one is telling me go and close the curtains and then you can sleep peacefully. and the other one is like no dont you wont get back to sleep. so i was in a dilema here as what to do. should i get up but i was much to tired in the bones. and then my mother brain came out and she was like you babies are so fucking stupid, just roll over. so i did and i slept peacefully...

damm my eczema is damm itchy la. i think i should put rubber stopped on my fingers, but then id probably take them off. just check it out here.


this is me modeling the latest eczema

but on the other hand i was thinking today, damm i could use it to pick up chicks man. i'd be standing next to a hot girl on the mrt and she'd be looking at my arms and i'd look at her and be like, "yeah i fell in some radioactive liquid once, but i can see through clothes now, your wearing black aint ya? heh heh". what would follow would probably involve a cheek and a hand. YEAH id touch her buttocks i knew you were all thinking that!!

i thought of other stuff too, but its too crazily good to share it with other guys, so NEH. actually i dont think their good at all. they all sound horny and stupid. man im falling sick again. maybe its true since my friend said to me today, "james you look like fuck man what happened?". y'know the feeling when all your bones feel heavy like their falling into your skin? then you lie down you feel like hot air is blowing around you, and the air from the fan feels like a thousand needles trying to penetrate you through your insufficient blanket. i had 39.6 degree fever last saturday and now its coming back i think. man 39.6 is high balls. aiya die then die la. relax man its just life. if your life ends just try again next time la.

okay over and out bitches. ill be waitin on the mrt for the girl with the black bra! see ya!

James Barr at 7:03 AM

Friday, February 09, 2007

---

i think the world is bias against groups of five. five is an odd number, it cannot be split into two neither can it be split into three of four. a group of five always has problems, and its societies duty to change it. a coffee shop table, or table at a restaurant has 4 seater tables. if you have a fifth member, he or she must pull over a chair and block the passage way for others. same in a bus, the seats at the front have two facing two. where is the fifth person supposed to sit? and if they sit on normal ones, hes going to feel left out. what happens if your eating KFC for example, where they have the buddy meal. two can share, the other two can share. but poor old fifth member has to spend $2 extra. same with a band. drummer, bassist, two guitarists. unless your all cool and have a keyboardist, then theres only space for four! so next time do yourself and your friends a favour. if you have four people and someone wants to come along. for the good of everyone, say NO! (unless its a really hot girl who you might have a chance of getting jiggy with.) (or a really rich guy who likes to buy you stuff (which is realy rare(unless hes gay(which then becomes scary)))

WHY AM I TALKING ABT GROUPS.
I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
I TALK TO PAPER ALL DAY!
AND...
IT DOESNT TALK BACK.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

James Barr at 1:19 AM

Thursday, January 25, 2007

---

hello strangers, friends and stereotyped fat guy with donut! this entry shall be my feeble attempt to revive a dead blog, althought technically things that are dead cannot be revived unless your the messiah or satanic and have a spare altar around. anyway.. ever since the tagboard died on the right there, i havent really been inspired to write anything, although even when it was around there wasnt much on it ( thanks guys ). but alas i feel the need to write stuff and the only way to satisfy that need is well, to write stuff.

before i write anything else can i just make a shoutout to all secondary school kids. mobile handphones, with phones in bold, are for talking to and messaging people. they are NOT for fucking playing music of any genre in public transport. and if you do want to play music in public transport, there is a freaking good reason why someone invented the earpeice. goddaaym!@ i mean nobody wants to listen to your chinese love songs which all contain the same three words (wo ai ni). or your freaky death metal. its just not nice to other people taking the same train/bus as you. so neh.

the other day in the office i encountered a strange situation. i was collecting a printout and my office mate was next to me and he said, "wow you smell nice. a mixture of lavender and saf smell." now i didnt really know if i was being complimented or not. and plus i was kinda freaked out because he looks gay. and when you work in a place with people who are downgraded to E status (A being the best), (E being the worst). there is a high chance you encounter people who are a bit kookoo, or just gay, not that gay people get downgraded, but usually they are because they are gay. know what i mean? okay nevermind. so i took the best option, which is appeasement, ala chamberlain and hitler, and said "thanks" and ran away. which is the same as saying i did not smash him in the face with the nearest stapler. from then on hes been calling me sugarplum. but according to the rest of the guys, he does it to everyone, so i guess im safe. yipee. okay so...

i wanna make a few more shoutouts because i think they are neccesary.

1) the bus is not a catwalk.
2) your not allowed to have your butt meat hanging out of your skirt, or up out of your jeans.
3) plsplsplsplsplsplsplslpsls dont rush into the mrt when people are trying to get out. i mean your not going to get a seat anyway?

check out this video, its so sad.

James Barr at 2:01 AM

designer
blogskins
blogger