Sunday, October 03, 2004

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i say this first.
i dont want to do something that i might regret.
but i dont want to regret something that i didnt do.

managed to catch up with marcel. in a warped sense of way it kinda put my life or life in general into perspective. here i am muggin, or supposedly mugging, complaining about how redundant life is right now. looking at people and thinking what are they? what the heck am i doing here. then i take a look and think what my life is going to be like? after ploughing through JC am i going to just do some more ploughing through another redundant uni course? and then what, get a job get some money buy a house, maybe fall in love, or try to, have kids who will get pissed and hate me then have a mid life crisis get hooked on alchohol....
i really want my life to be like his man. carefree meeting crazy people all the time. having fun getting pissed.. i want to take four years of my life, go around the world. maybe spain.. get fucked by some bulls and get wasted in a mexican bar. ride a carousel in paris and throw eggs at the tower. this is what life is all about... making the most out of it.. and no matter how i delude myself into thinking im(we're) having a good life, i simply see myself go from work to job to work to divorce and sadness depression and death. and all im doing about it now is learning about some of gorbachevs fucking policies and hearing my mum say "do you want me to ban the computer?" while i type this.
i need a bit of insanity in my life. a bit of insanity like back in the old days in secondary school where we used to piss off our teacher to the breaking point, copy the smart kids practical books and climb housing scaffolding and run under drains looking at the guys butt in front of you. where has it all gone.
now you have an insight into the mind of james...
and please what the puck am i doing.. promos are tomorrow.

James Barr at 5:19 AM

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